Stopping the Negative Cycle

One of the most profound yet simple insights that I gained during my awakening was that negativity feeds negativity, much as positive energy ripples out and grows exponentially. The more we cultivate positivity, the better we feel and, just by existing in a positive space (energetically), we influence others around us in a positive way. I don’t know about you, but I have often encountered others who just exude happiness and positivity and who leave me feeling happier just from being in that space with them. Sometimes this positive energy is obvious through small everyday gestures—holding a door for someone, saying hello or thanking someone who is ringing up their order, being patient and smiling at someone who inadvertently cuts them off in the supermarket or gets in their way. I usually feel lighter and happier for having encountered those people or for passing that positivity along myself. That is a simple and common example of the positive effects of happiness rippling out and spreading among others. When those things happen to me, I walk away feeling good.

Unfortunately, the same can be true for negative energy as well. Negative energy can also be absorbed and, if we aren’t mindful of it, that negative energy can fester and find a home inside of us. For instance, how often have you encountered someone who is rude or nasty in the world? Someone who might cut you off in line or angrily give you the middle finger in traffic or someone who bumps you in a crowd and doesn’t acknowledge you? These sorts of things happen all the time and, of course, there are worse examples of negativity that are more focused and targeted—bullying, fighting, abusive behavior, demeaning others—the list goes on. Much like the effect of positive energy, negative energy can often be perpetuated, almost without thinking.

When we act negatively in response to negative actions, we perpetuate the problem and give negativity a home within us, without even realizing it.

I think that when someone directs anger or negativity toward us, and we accept that negative influence, it festers and grows, inevitably eating away at our peace of mind and happiness. The alternative is that we can refuse to accept it or find a way to release it. When negative energy festers inside of us, it might take the form of depression and anxiety or shame and blame or anger and resentment or fear--you get the idea. This collected and saved negativity is what I think of as soul coal. If we let it attach to us and remain there, it will eventually hide or cover up the inner beauty and love that our souls are made of, that infinite soul sparkle that shines like a diamond when we keep it free of debris.

If not addressed, that negativity can build and build until we feel the need to release it somehow and all too often the instinctive release valve is to become negative toward ourselves, to shout or stare angrily at others, or to give the middle finger back at the person who originally did that to us. It’s really almost a reflex. And when the negativity is directly focused at us, and we hold onto that, it can surface as misplaced anger. Who among us hasn’t been stressed out and anxious and snapped at someone who didn’t deserve it? That’s the pressure valve ‘letting off steam’ . . . but it’s not a harmless action because it perpetuates that negativity and spreads it to others, like poison. The trick is how to break the cycle of negativity before it has a chance to fester inside of us. There is a way to do that.

When I was actively trying to raise my vibration, during my awakening, I came to realize that there was still a lot of hidden negativity inside of me that would pop out from time to time. I would think I was in a good space but then someone would cut me off in traffic or give me the finger and I would just burst into an angry response, which always left me feeling dejected or guilty afterward. This is a really negative cycle to get into, as I’m sure you can see. As a result, I tried to look for ways to prevent this from happening so that I could maybe keep my spirit clear and light, even when faced with negative energy.

The Example of Moz: Early on, I found a way to make this happen when I noticed that my son’s cat, Moz, was faced with a bully (my other cat, Freddy) and still maintained a loving, passive demeanor. When Moz came to live with us, my cat, Freddy, had been a solo cat for several years and he was very territorial. Periodically, Freddy would go after Moz and they would scuffle. These fights were very upsetting because Moz was a very passive, gentle cat. The thing I noticed, though, is that Moz’s demeanor never changed. He didn’t become aggressive. He would defend himself during the scuffle, but he wouldn’t try to attack Freddy when he had the chance. Instead, he just exuded love and affection. He didn’t attack Freddy, but he didn’t hide from him either. I decided that I wanted to be more like Moz—to exude love and warmth even in challenging circumstances.

Mindfulness: The process of stopping the negative cycle, which was suggested to me by my Guides, involves being mindful as the first step. That’s really important. Instead of reacting when someone is mean or nasty, I try to stop myself and think about what’s happening in that situation. If there is no reason for the person to be so angry with me, then I need to realize that they must be hurting inside and carrying around a lot of negativity (much like me snapping at someone who didn’t deserve it). Then, I try to have the presence of mind to realize that the person isn’t really mad at me and that I don’t deserve that level of animosity, so I don’t need to take that on and accept those negative feelings. Next, with that understanding—that the other person is hurting—I also try to roll into compassion for them. I know how it feels to hurt and lash out at others, and it doesn’t feel good. It’s a reflex that can become a habit. Most often lashing out is the only way the person knows of to blow off some of that steam or release some of that pressure, so they don’t become totally engulfed with the negativity. They might even feel bad after they realize what they’ve done, once they calm down.

Using this method of mindfulness has helped me to stop the cycle, even as a recipient of the misplaced negativity, because the anger ends with me, at least in that moment. And each time we stop that negative cycle, we cleanse the energetics of our planet just a little bit, and those little bits add up. I try to do this in practice and, even though it isn’t always easy, it does work.

Being a Tree: With the help of my Guides, I also came upon another method that works for me—being like a tree. Trees absorb the toxins in our air, transform or process those toxins, and turn them into life-giving oxygen. So a negative force becomes a positive force. That was the cycle I wanted to mimic for any negativity I had absorbed.This led me to think about trees and how I could do the same--to cleanse the negative expression of my experience and to transform that into a positive expression to support and uplift my life and, by extension, to help the collective energy. If we all do that with negativity—look for it hiding within, process it, and release it as positivity—we could improve the collective atmosphere for all of us. That’s what I consider being like a tree.

Processing the negativity as a means of transforming it into love for self and others takes work, but it is work worth doing. I used the EFT Personal Peace Procedure to accomplish a lot of my own inner work, but I also used meditation, acupuncture, and visualization (visualizing the negative emotional elements that I carried inside as dark chunks of coal or twisted metal and then visualizing those elements being transformed into colorful butterflies as I exhaled them). These are the methods that I used but there are many ways to accomplish this, and I think that they are all worthwhile.

Setting the Intention: Since having these realizations, when someone is nasty to me, I try to stop and be mindful instead of reacting, drop into understanding, and roll with compassion. (I know this may sound hokey, but it’s a quick, easy way for me to remember my intention in those heated moments.) I make every effort to stop the cycle of negativity and, instead, silently wish that negative person well and hope for their emotional healing. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a saint and this isn’t always successful, but I do consistently try. I used to always respond to anger with anger—I was a very angry person—so any change to positivity is a big win, in my opinion. If I can stop that impulse to react and become mindful instead, then I’m halfway to converting the negativity to positivity. The more often I do this successfully, the more likely it is to become a habit. I certainly feel better if I can promote happiness and positivity for myself and, hopefully, for others. And, really, isn’t that what we all want?

Thanks for reading!